Monday, November 06, 2006

Pardon?

Babble on.

This month's National Geographic brought surprising and unwelcome news to the Brooks household: Canadians don't drink enough beer. On a per capita basis, we're in the nineteenth slot in the world's pecking order. In fact, Canucks consume less than their counterparts in countries like Finland, Spain, and Portugal where beer is what you drink when there's no spirits, wine, or port to gulp back. We drink less than half the suds of your average Czech, the world leader. Heck, we're only three spots up from Russia, where rumour has it that if you ask for a beer, the barkeep will reply he hasn't heard of that brand of vodka.

Putting back the amber nectar is a matter of profound import, a patriotic imperative. I can accept running behind the Germans or the Brits, but I cannot abide finishing nine spots back of Venez-frickin'-uela. If we lose the beer wars, what's next? This is the first step down a treacherous path, at the end of which the Phillipines will be exporting their cheap jobs to us and Zambia will be kicking our heinie in international hockey.

None of that for me! I will personally do my part by quaffing a barley sandwich or three tonight when I get home. The munchkins will get beer on their cereal tomorrow morning. Best of all, I can get my beautiful wife tipsy with just a wave of the flag.

Do your part! Alan, to the barricades!

Babble off.

7 Comments:

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Temujin said...

There have been rumours of a National Beer Program, a policy that all Canadians can be proud of.

I've never put beer on my cereal before, although I've always wondered...

Let me know what the youngsters think!

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger lance said...

This is definitely not representative of my household!

For shame Canadians!

Cheers,
lance

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger GenX at 40 said...

Just to be clear, I declare that 'twas I that came up with the NBP along with the need to negotiate NAFBA with the US to get their good craft beers into the land. Sure I came up with the idea last Friday during a Dust My Broom "Beer and Blues" session but then it was the natural state for such wisdom to impart. By the way, I also coined "Vitamin K" for Keiths beer back in 1986 or so.

Now I have to figure out what was supposed to be in the NBP...

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger John the Mad said...

Bring on the `One Gallon Challenge` for WE ARE CANADIANS!

 
At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I consume a litre of Czech beer every evening as a health drink. They invented pilsner and I salute them for it.

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Joe Calgary said...

South Americans drink pisswater. In those temps. You need to drink alot of pisswater.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

I have to debate your statement. Here in the Yukon we are among the biggest beer drinkers in the world. 150.77l per person per year. Compared to 156.9 for the Czechs. For reference http://www.brewers.ca/EN/statistics/asb/page64-05.pdf
and http://www.kirin.co.jp/english/ir/news_release051215_4.html

 

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