Monday, April 11, 2005

Wired for stupidity

Babble on.

It's contest time at Babbling Brooks!

Scott Reid's he-did-NOT-just-say-that, jaw-droppingly laughable assertion that "Paul Martin is the wire brush that will scrub clean this stain on Canadian politics" absolutely begs to be mocked. And since I'm not nearly the most sharp-tongued individual screaming into the blogospheric void, I'm opening things up to any and all.

Occam's Carbuncle is an early favourite: "According to Martin's mouthpiece, Scott Reid, Martin is the "wire brush" that will scrub Canadian politics clean. As analogies go, I don't think it's the best. Let me offer one of my own - Paul Martin is the wet sponge that will water down and spread thin the stain on Canadian politics without actually cleaning anything. The optics will be a bit more appealing, but the filth will remain."

The Monger: "That's some wire brush, Mr. Reid. Reminds me of that old children's rhyme, 'wire, wire, pants on fire.'"

Professor Cosh: "Honestly, now, if you moved this metaphor any closer to the bathroom, there'd be no room for anybody to sit down. What have we come to when the communications director for the prime minister of Canada comes within an ace of referring to his own party as a filthy toilet in need of some elbow grease?"

Rob Cottingham: "'Paul Martin is the wire brush that will scrub clean this stain on Canadian politics,' Mr. Reid said. And he bristled at any suggestion otherwise."

Dana is typically blunt: "See, he did it again! Paul Martin is a wire brush? What the f@#k does that mean!"

Canada Free Press Blog: "No seriously, Scott, I think the more apt comparison is not a wire brush, but a colonic irrigation tube, about to be shoved up Jean Chretien’s...oh never mind..."

POGGE: "If you were eating or drinking and ended up spewing on your keyboard when you read that, I apologize. I should have issued an upchuck alert."

My favourite so far, though, comes from RightThinkingPeople: "Reid went on to argue that Brush-Man stands always on guard, keeping watch on our behalf, ready to leap into action should the forces of evil ever threaten our fair city, or at least drip evil stains on our carpets and upholstery. Reid added that Brush-Man can’t wait to get scouring, and attack the foul and disgusting blotches glopped on Canada's political fabric by his vile predecessor, which have been uncovered by Brush-Man's trusty henchman, the ever-vigilant Gominator™. Reid further noted that all those who stand in opposition must fear Brush-Man and beware his sanitary might – because Brush-Man is always ready to scrub!" It's worth reading the whole darned thing, just not while eating or drinking - safety first, kids.

Feel free to nominate others in the comments section, or to compose your own special tribute to Reid's shameless lie.

Paul Martin's a wire brush? Stephen Harper's a sandblaster, you pin-dicked word-weasel, and a truckload of Javex to boot. I'd suggest you pull your head out of Paul Martin's poop chute before you even mention the word "clean" again.

Babble off.

2 Comments:

At 2:59 PM, Blogger Sean McCormick said...

If Paul Martin can be compared to an enema tube, then Jean Chretien should be compared to a urethral sound. He definitely removed blockages from the pipeline and got the flow (of cash) going.

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Gordon Pasha said...

i'm thinking something along the lines of skid marks on bed sheets ... no, wait, it's too awful.

 

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